Signs You Have a Self-Loathing Mindset
You weren’t born with a self-loathing mindset; you developed the associated thoughts and feelings as you grew. Perhaps it was due to your environment, and you did so as a way to cope. Some people use it to motivate themselves, even if it’s not a healthy way to do it.
You may have gotten into the habit of telling yourself to get over it and move on when you’re going through a rough patch. You may not question it, but this can be negative, especially where it is repetitive behavior.
It’s also common for people to use it as protection against unmet expectations. If you tell yourself that something won’t happen, then you won’t feel as disappointed if that turns out to be true, right? There’s a major problem with that – when you become accustomed to those thoughts, they affect how you view yourself. It can result in an unhealthy pessimistic ‘the glass is always half-full’ attitude.
Here are some of the signs that you could have a self-loathing mindset.
Eating Issues
You may over-eat, or you may under-eat. Often, people with a self-loathing mindset will use food as a way to unconsciously punish themselves. This can two common forms – some may only eat foods they dislike, denying themselves the simple pleasures others take for granted.
Others may subject themselves to overeating in a bid to shame themselves later. They may tell themselves they just don’t care because nobody else does, but of course, at some level and at some time, they do. Moreover, they experience remorse and guilt. It’s fueling the self-loathing they already feel.
Physical Neglect
A lack of bathing, a drop in grooming habits, wearing the same clothes… they don’t care about their appearance, and that can lead to neglecting personal hygiene as well. It’s not just because they don’t care; in this situation, it’s because they feel as though they don’t deserve to feel good or look good.
A Defeatist Attitude
There’s no point trying when I’m just going to fail/lose/suck. It’s that type of chatter that sets you up for failure, which will only further reinforce your feelings of shame and self-loathing. It’s also something that holds you back from joining in, which starves you of fulfillment, and healthy social relationships.
Inappropriate Spending
Often, material possessions are seen as a way to gain happiness or at least fulfillment. So, for someone who is struggling with a self-loathing mindset, collecting things they want can be a way to try to erase feelings of emptiness. Sometimes they also spend their money on others in a bid to gain their praise or appreciation.
Substance Abuse
Mind-altering substances will numb your emotions, which can seem to be nice for a moment. Then you wake up feeling terrible and continue the cycle of self-loathing. It could be alcohol, it might be drugs. The point is that people with self-loathing mindsets often use substances to escape their feelings.
Sabotage
More specifically, relationship sabotage. It’s relatively common for someone with a self-loathing mindset to feel as though they don’t deserve anything good or any happiness. Tragically, this can cause them to sabotage any positive relationships that they may have in their lives.
How that unfolds can vary. It could be in the form of abuse, whether physical or emotional. Perversely, it can be baiting or taunting behaviors that invite abusive responses, as this is what the recipient believes is what they deserve, or expect will happen anyway.
It might be general mistreatment or, it could be in the form of cheating. On the other hand, some will simply walk away from people they truly love because they’d rather experience the pain of loss on what they believe to be their own terms.
Sacrifice
People with a self-loathing mindset find it difficult to feel pride in themselves, for anything they do. So, if they can create a situation where other people take pity on them and justify their actions, they can create a sense of self-worth. So, they sacrifice themselves, in any number of ways to create that illusion. The problem is that they are destroying themselves in the process.
Isolation
Isolation is typical for people with a self-loathing mindset. They feel like they don’t belong and feel as though no one likes them, so, they alienate themselves. When they do receive invitations, they often assume it’s an act of pity, and they spurn it.
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