Signs of Self-Pity and Being the Victim
Do you struggle to accept the circumstances of your life? Do you obsess about your problems? Do you feel like life has dealt you a bad hand? What about a craving for pity and sympathy from others? It sounds like you may be someone who paints yourself as the victim a lot. These are common indicators that you are a self-pitying person.
Self-Pity is an exaggerated form of pity about your position in life or your circumstances. We all experience self-pity, and sometimes it’s healthy to have a little pity party and move on. Sadly, a lot of people live in a land of self-pity and just can’t get over it. It’s a form of self-soothing they rely on to feel better, but it’s a toxic mindset.
Signs of Self-Pity
1. You can’t laugh at yourself – everything is serious, and you’re totally unable to see the bright side of any situation.
2. You’ve never met drama that you didn’t automatically jump headfirst into. You live for it.
3. You crave sympathy. It’s addictive, and you long for that brief pleasure of having emotional support. It’s not a healthy way to forge emotional bonds with others.
4. You are lost in the past. While others are comfortable living in the present and some are focused on their future, you can’t move beyond your past. You are dwelling in a place that no longer exists.
5. You have a self-esteem problem. You crave the affection and acceptance of others because it’s the only thing that will make you feel better about yourself.
6. You have a sad temperament. You are prone to bouts of deep contemplation and a bit of brooding… it’s the playground of self-pity.
7. You don’t think you’re worthy of love… which is something that stems from a self-esteem problem. It encourages self-destructive behavior.
8. You are deeply self-absorbed. Believe it or not, the more into yourself you are… the more likely you will fall prey to self-pity.
9. You’re a fighter. Wait, isn’t that a good thing? Well, it can be, but it can also be a bad thing. That all depends on what you choose to fight. You may use your fighting instinct to fight reality, life or, any positive thing in your life.
10. Self-pity can be unconscious, something that we use to avoid accountability for the things we have said or done in the past. It’s just too difficult to recognize that we’ve behaved in a certain way so, instead we try to sweep it under the carpet and paint ourselves as the victim. It’s cowardly, but in this sense, it’s a tool of self-defense.
So, yes, it is normal to sometimes feel sorry for yourself. In some cases, that can be the natural progression to acceptance. Unfortunately, a lot of us have made self-pity a habit. Whether it’s one we use to avoid acting, to attract pity and attention from others or, simply to avoid being held accountable.
If you believe that you have a self-pity problem, please show yourself some compassion. Yes, it’s a flawed coping mechanism, but it is one that you can overcome with patience, time, and a bit of persistence.
Even when you truly are the victim, it doesn’t mean that you have to sit back and take it. You can only control so much, but what you can control is how you respond to what life throws at you. Instead of getting caught up in a pattern of self-pity and painting yourself the victim, you can hold yourself accountable, and you can overcome the impulse. Don’t allow self-pity to derail your life.
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