Self-Hatred and Self-Pity Are Negative Emotions
How do you feel? Lousy? Maybe not right this moment, but a lot of the time? You feel… rotten. You often find yourself throwing pity parties, even if you don’t deserve them. We’re not talking about anxiety or depression here.
We’re talking about feeling for yourself all the time because you didn’t get a promotion, you missed out on a new job, you failed to get someone’s number, someone turning you down, you missed out on whatever. What you fail to realize is how damaging self-pity is, even if it feels comfortable right now.
Self-Pity and The Walls You Build
The ability to recognize the difference between legitimate misery and self-created misery is a boon. However, it can be a bit like telling identical twins apart. Self-pity provides you with an excuse, one that lets you out of trying. Whereas, a genuine depression makes it impossible to try, even if you really want to.
You probably know someone who isn’t as good as you in something, but they’re knocking it out of the park consistently. You wonder why they can do it, but you can’t. The truth is that you’re using self-pity as a way to avoid failure.
You can’t fail if you never bother to try. Failing is disappointing, but it’s much better than never putting yourself out there to take a risk.
It’s like dreaming of playing professional basketball, but you stopped growing when you hit 5’5″. Obviously, it’s disappointing to know that you will never be able to live your dream. What really bothers you, though, is that you never even got the chance to do it.
You have no idea why you can’t get a date, but… you can, if you stop blocking yourself. You may have to experience some rejections, but you can find dates if you put yourself out there. Just like if you want to write a book, you can, if you’re willing to commit yourself.
A Means to An End
It’s easy to justify your self-hatred, self-pity, and anger when you repeatedly compare yourself to the successful people around you. It’s a tempting trap to fall into and a powerful fuel. You look at other people your age (or maybe younger), they have a similar upbringing, but look at everything they have and everything they’ve done. How did they manage that, when you couldn’t?
What you’re doing, though, is setting yourself up for disappointment. You are insistent on finding someone to hold up as an example of everything you’re not. You are intentionally choosing to make yourself feel bad about what you have or haven’t achieved.
You can’t be happy because you are living in a rut of self-pity. The comparison allows you to make excuses not to try. It allows you to keep on keeping on, without ever genuinely applying yourself. You’d like to be better, but it doesn’t seem obtainable so, why bother at all?
You feel miserable because you feel sorry for yourself, but you’re in a routine now, and you can’t get over it. So, you have created a self-destructive pattern fueled by your negative emotions and combined with the absurd excuses that you created based on how you perceive others.
You have managed to convince yourself that everyone else is deeply happy, that they’re all healthy, and it’s not your fault that you’re so miserable. You have created this narrative. Your suffering isn’t ignorant at all; it’s noble! Every morning that you drag yourself out of bed and push yourself to get to work, you have achieved exactly what everyone else has.
It is incredibly arrogant to assume that you’re the only person in your life with problems. Yet, that’s exactly what you’re doing, and it makes you feel better, even if it’s brief. Self-pity is reliable; it’s like your favorite pair of jeans or a hoodie you can’t just throw away. It provides you with routine. You go through the same nasty habits and negative emotions every day. You never need to deal with failure or rejection because you never apply yourself. Self-pity and self-hatred are negative emotions that are holding you back from living your best life.
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